In firefighting, a backdraft occurs when a fire, deprived of oxygen, suddenly receives a fresh supply of air, causing an explosive reaction. A similar phenomenon can happen when practicing self-compassion. For someone who has been steeped in self-criticism and feelings of worthlessness, the introduction of compassion can trigger an overwhelming surge of anger or negativity. This explosion of emotion arises because so much energy has been invested in self-hatred that this part of you resists the change, fighting for its survival.

Navigating this emotional backdraft can be challenging, but here are four steps you can practice to hold these intense feelings with compassion and continue on your journey of self-compassion:

1. Recognize that self-compassion is not creating these feelings: These challenging emotions are not a result of self-compassion but are being brought to the surface as they move out of your emotional space. Everything we understand is defined by its contrast with something else. We recognize softness because we know hardness, and we perceive coldness in relation to warmth. By inviting the warmth and softness of self-compassion, you are feeling the rush of criticism and negativity as they begin to pass.
2. Anticipate challenging emotions: As you practice self-compassion, difficult emotions will likely arise. Be mindful of these feelings as they emerge. When you notice yourself getting caught up in a negative storyline, gently let it go and return to the present moment. Focus on your breath or the feeling of the soles of your feet on the floor. Offer yourself compassion in these moments because you are suffering and deserve kindness.
3. Maintain balance throughout the journey: It’s important to recognize when you are moving from a place of challenge to one of overwhelm. Regularly check in with yourself and ask, “What do I need in this moment?” This self-awareness helps you maintain balance and prevents you from becoming overwhelmed by difficult emotions.
4. Apply self-compassion often: Remember the three doorways into self-compassion:
   • Mindfulness: Observe what you are experiencing without judgment and label the emotion.
   • Common Humanity: Remind yourself that you are not alone; others share similar struggles, and you are not defined by your thoughts or emotions.
   • Self-Kindness: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a dear friend or a child.

As one of Christopher Germer’s patients wisely said, “Love is a double-edged sword; it cuts away the pain in the present but also slices into the pain of the past.”

Watch now to discover this week’s teachable takeaway and continue your journey of self-compassion!