Is there a difference between self-esteem and self-compassion? There sure is, and it is an important distinction to make. Self-esteem is a measure of our sense of worthiness, often based on how competent we believe we are in the areas we value. It can be healthy or unhealthy, depending on its source. For instance, narcissists, bullies, and those who belittle others can have high self-esteem, but they feel good about themselves by putting others down. Self-esteem can also be influenced by the “looking glass self,” which is our perception of how others view us. This means that it’s not rooted in our relationship with ourselves but rather in the stories we create about how others, most often by strangers, see us. Interestingly, people with high and low self-esteem are equally liked by others, showing that it’s largely about perception.

In contrast, self-compassion is not about our worthiness but about how we relate to ourselves. As human beings, we all have strengths and weaknesses, moments of pride, and times when we feel embarrassed by our actions. Self-compassion involves being mindful of the ebb and flow of life, recognizing that successes and failures are part of the human experience and do not define our worth. The science is clear: self-compassion provides the benefits of high self-esteem without the downsides. It’s not a tool to eliminate discomfort and struggle from life but a way to treat ourselves with the same kindness we would offer to a child or a friend. Instead of turning to self-criticism, I choose self-compassion. I deserve it, and so do you.

For a deeper dive, watch the vlog and stay tuned as I continue the Mindful Monday series on Self-Compassion.